I had an epiphany regarding meditation tonight during my yoga class. Due to my rockin’ core strength and many years of dance training, I have pretty stellar balance, so when we do balancing poses, I pretty much just stick my leg where it’s supposed to be and hang out for awhile. One of the teachers at my gym recently mentioned that if you’re at that place in your practice, you should try closing your eyes. HELLO, FRIENDS, IT’S A WHOLE NEW BALLGAME. I’m discovering that the only way to actually maintain one’s upright posture with closed eyes is to envision EXACTLY what is in front of your eyes when you open them.
So I concentrate really hard and picture my towel on the wood floor, my reflection in the mirror, the uninvited ass cheeks of the girl in front of me who apparently wore her underwear to yoga instead of pants. (True story. Granted, she was remarkably cellulite-free, but… come on. They sell shorts that don’t demonstrate your lack of cellulite to the world, ladies. BUY THEM.) And tonight, I’m balancing, and I’m focusing SUPER HARD, and I realize that I have totally come across this before in my reading. When? Oh, at approximately age eight, the first time I read Roald Dahl’s classic “The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar.”
If you’ve never read this fine piece of literature, you’re missing out, so go read it. In “Henry Sugar,” the titular character learns to see through cards and Robin Hoods the European gaming industry, all by practicing techniques designed by a yogi. Basically, the first step is envisioning things with his eyes closed. JUST LIKE I WAS DOING IN YOGA, GUYS. I AM A ROALD DAHL CHARACTER. LIFE IS COMPLETE. Next step: go back to Ethel M’s Chocolate Factory and hunt down the Vermicious Knids.
So back to the point, which I had never actually addressed in the first place: I think I’ve finally found a way for me to meditate. I’ve never been able to do it before. I am not the kind of person who can lie in place without thinking about anything (related: a lifetime of the chronic inability to fall asleep). Inevitably, SOMETHING will pop into my mind. Especially in yoga, when you have those obnoxious teachers who say things like, “Forget about what you’re making for dinner tonight! Don’t think about the things that are stressing you out!” THANKS A LOT, I AM NOW THINKING EXCLUSIVELY OF CHEESE TORTELLINI AND THE ORDER I MESSED UP AT WORK AND LEFT FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO FIX. Sometimes I do successfully clear my mind and think of nothing for a few moments. Then I realize I’m sleeping.