creativity is dying/why I don’t “reblog”

I had a Pinterest account for a hot second and spent the entire time I was on it feverishly searching the Internet for images to post. I didn’t read other people’s pinboards or repin their images because I wanted to create my own original collection of images and recipes and, like, decorating ideas or whatever else you’re supposed to put on Pinterest. But even that wasn’t original enough for me; I felt guilty using the images that other people had produced, as if I were somehow unjustly appropriating their work to create some semblance of an “original collection” under my own name. And considering that Pinterest’s legality has come under fire of late, maybe I was right to drop that like a hot potato.

See, I’m unhealthily obsessed with being original and constantly producing original thoughts/work/dance moves (the Distant Hamburger didn’t invent itself, kids). I don’t reblog on Tumblr for the same reason that I stopped posting song lyrics as my Facebook status some years ago: because those words, those images, those kitschy little animated GIFs have already been invented by someone else and it is not my life goal to find fame as a professional reblogger. (Okay, so occasionally I do still post a song lyric or two on Twitter, but, like, for real, “Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said it would be this hard” and I’M STILL FOURTEEN ON THE INSIDE.)

I have friends who apparently have a bajillion Tumblr followers even though they create NO original work. Their Internet personas are constructed entirely on their ability to find and promote other people’s creativity with little more than a byline at the bottom. What is the point of this? From whence comes the satisfaction? And, I know, who am I to criticize someone for enjoying the process of collecting images and quotations and kitschy little animated GIFs for their own purpose?

It’s all part of a larger and more problematic issue that I see in the world of art today. I would hardly call myself an artist; I’m a writer, but I aspire to be more of a wit than a creator of “high art.” (Whether or not that’s the same thing is up for debate.) Nevertheless, I’m in the world of the arts and most of my friends are artists and I keep my judgey glasses in my back pocket for moments like these, when I realize that there are very few creative spirits left in the world and modern technology is turning us all into succubi.

I have been in dance pieces where large chunks of choreography were taken directly from YouTube. I have seen dance pieces that were — purposefully or unconsciously — the theme, costumes, lighting, and choreographic style were appropriated from pieces that the choreographers had been exposed to in the past. The theatre companies at my college are constantly doing the same shows that they did five years ago, directors are ripping off themes and images and stylistic choices from one another. People are producing massive amounts of creative work, but in order to maintain such a high level of output, they are throwing originality out the window.

I often worry that It’s All Been Done. (In fact, that’s my main problem with New York: I feel like I can’t do anything original because every word has been written, every song composed, every dance choreographed, every goal achieved. Someone has beaten you to every last punch, young New Yorker.) Is it the state of our artistic world now that all we have left is to rearrange and reinterpret what has already been created? Are we just recasting and rechoreographing pieces with new, younger dancers? Is it enough to forcibly take up a pedestal left by a departing predecessor? Is that the kind of fame we’ll settle for? Is there anything original left to say? Are you an artist if you all do is copy other people’s work, rearrange it into your own formation? Is that all art is?

Please note that I had to edit this because I realized that I used the phrase “problematic problem.” #vassarproblems

and hopin’ and plannin’ and dreamin’

I still wish on spare eyelashes and when I catch the clock at 11:11, but I wish for the fortitude to accept what life throws at me instead of wishing for life to throw me really awesome things.

This is less because I no longer believe in the power of eyelashes and digital readouts and more because I’ve convinced myself that the gods of wishing on ambiguous everyday objects are pleased more by spiritually fulfilling, self-actualizing wishes than by, you know, buy me a pony and I wanna be a fairy princess.

Hence the following conversation I had with myself in my head on the train tonight:

“11:11, make a wish!”

“I wish… that I’ll get the once-in-a-lifetime dream job that I interviewed for last week!”

“NO. NO. STOP. SHUT UP BEFORE THE GODS OF WISHING ON AMBIGUOUS OBJECTS HEAR YOU BECAUSE THEY WANT YOU TO FIND YOUR DESTINY OF YOUR OWN FREE WILL.”

“Balls. Okay, I wish, um, for the fortitude to accept the fact that there is a zero percent chance that I’m gonna get that job, and maybe for a few margaritas to magically appear when I get the gentle yet impersonal email rejecting me.”

“You don’t really want that, though, do you?”

“No. No, you’re right; I would prefer a whiskey and ginger.”

“Oh, just suck it up and wish for the job. You know you want it.”

“NO. NO. I WANT INNER STRENGTH AND FORTITUDE.”

“And that job, though, right?”

“I mean… yeah.”

“Balls.”

“Balls is right, kid.”

slacks do not a grownup make

I have been feeling very adult lately, what with all the slacks I’ve been wearing to interviews and rent checks I’ve been writing and glasses of craft beer I’ve been drinking in respectable establishments. I just wanted to take a moment to make sure that nobody thinks that I actually turned into a big girl while they weren’t looking by noting the following facts:

1. I haven’t washed my sheets in two months.

2. I frequently drop my iPhone on my face while texting in bed.

3. I still have to plug my ears when I flush the toilet in airplane bathrooms because I find the sound quite alarming.