slacks do not a grownup make

I have been feeling very adult lately, what with all the slacks I’ve been wearing to interviews and rent checks I’ve been writing and glasses of craft beer I’ve been drinking in respectable establishments. I just wanted to take a moment to make sure that nobody thinks that I actually turned into a big girl while they weren’t looking by noting the following facts: 

1. I haven’t washed my sheets in two months. 

2. I frequently drop my iPhone on my face while texting in bed. 

3. I still have to plug my ears when I flush the toilet in airplane bathrooms because I find the sound quite alarming. 

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